TTC Update!

This is the first time I am writing a blog post in a while. I don't really know where to begin. The last time I blogged, I talked about my struggle with infertility. I know this blog is supposed to be about cooking and sharing stories, but I can't help writing about this right now. It's where my heart is at.

In July I got the HSG test. They told me my chances of getting pregnant after that were very good for the next 3 months. I'm sure you can see where I am going with this. 7months later, I'm still not pregnant.

I have been having a very hard time with this and can't understand why it hasn't happened yet. I know it will happen one day, but I just wish I knew when.

It's been really stressful for me

God forbid someone says, "Why aren't you pregnant yet?" or, "Hows the baby making going?" or, "If you went on vacation you would get pregnant" I feel like I want to rip someones head off and tell them, "it's none of your business and stop asking!"

But thank God I have a very supportive husband who loves me very much. On Valentines Day, we celebrated our 8 year anniversary. We have been together for 13 years and everyone that knows us tells us that we are the most adorable couple they've ever met. I have to agree with them, we are pretty adorable. Lol.

Before my appointment back at the fertility clinic last week, Dave and I talked a lot about what the doctor would most likely tell us and how much it would cost. We agreed that no matter what, we would get all the information we could, and always keep talking about how we felt about all of this.

We really want to have a baby, but all the procedures and tests and traveling is exhausting and stressful. The doctor understood all this and remained positive, telling me I was her youngest patient and that time was still on our side. I was happy to hear that until she also explained that couples who try for three years without the aid of the fertility clinic have a ....drum roll....3% chance of pregnancy....yep, that's right. I know she has to tell me the good, the bad, and the ugly, but I really didn't want to hear that.

So after seeing the doctor and talking to my husband, we made up our minds for right now. We are NOT going to do anything for a year....no doctor appointments, no pills, no injections, no Ovulation tests. We're still hoping to get pregnant, we're just not going to stress about it, or rather, I'm not going to stress about it.

I do want to see if there are holistic things I can do to make my chances better on getting pregnant, so I might do some light research at Barnes and Noble on that.

I am going to spend this next year living life, not waiting to get pregnant, but accepting and loving that I have this wonderful life enjoying every minute of it!!

So this year I am going to smile more, cook more, love more, be silly more, laugh more, dance more, be still more, pray more, do things I have never done more, go places I have never been more, tell myself I am beautiful more, love myself more, be happy in the moment more, meditate more, blog more, read more... and never forget that these are the moments and the people that make me happy and make me smile.

And isn't that what life is all about. :)

So here is too a more positive and less stressful 2012 :) 

Who's with me?

Update on trying to conceive a baby!

So, something has been on my mind a lot, and my sister told me i should talk about it on my blog.
Me and my husband have been trying to start our own family for over 2 years now.  No luck yet, but we are persistent and we will keep on trying until we have a baby.  I guess i am hoping by talking about it on here, i will have support, maybe some advice, and i am hoping it will give me a chance to vent about how difficult this journey is for us.

I know i am not the only one going through this, and maybe that is why i feel like sharing my story would help.

So after going to doctor after doctor, i found my OB that i want when i do get pregnant. But a couple OB's before that have said that they feel it is going to be really difficult for me to get pregnant. I knew that a long time ago.

When i was 5 i had a tumor on my ovary and had it removed along with my right ovary. But the doctor told my mom and dad that i was able to still have kids when i get older, it would just be a little harder.  Well, considering that i have never been pregnant yet, yeah, a lot harder. 
I have also had multiple surgeries in the last 10 years. I had appendectomy, and then i had scar tissue removed and then my bowel was up where my ovary should of been and they fixed that. So one of my doctors have said that because of all of my surgeries and CT Scans, and possible scar tissue, it would be impossible for me to have babies. I don't like hearing that, but we still tried and believed in my heart that they were wrong. 

So my new OB is convinced that with a lot of trying (if you know what i mean) that i will have no problem getting pregnant. She also said something that kind of pissed me off, she said, "i think you need to go on vacation, then you will get pregnant" it would be awesome if she could write that on a prescription pad and i could take it to any destination i wanted too and go on vacation for free, because my doctor told me too,  but vacations are expensive and it's not that easy. So yeah, that comment pissed me off, and almost made me reconsider my choice for a OB-GYN.

This past December, i was convinced that i was pregnant.  So much so, that on Christmas Eve i told a lot of family that i felt like this was the month, and expect me to be calling all of you up soon with the good news.  I could not keep my moth shut, and our family is VERY excited about us having a baby.  I can't explain why i felt the way i felt, i felt like i had symptoms, felt things in my body, and just KNEW. Well, turned out i was wrong...on December 27th i ended up in the ER because i was having lots of bleeding, and a lot of pain. The doctor said it was a cyst that burst. Oh, and she also informed me i was not PREGNANT.  Sad day...really really sad, considering i had convinced myself that i was pregnant, i guess those things i felt and symptoms were my cyst.  I told my OB after what had happened and she said another thing that pissed me off, she said, "you won't be able to tell your pregnant that soon" she kind of made me feel stupid. Considering, my sister and books i have read, said that some women know when they get pregnant, even before a pregnancy test, i thought i was one of those people.

More recently, i have been having acute pain in my lower abdomen and have been to the Dr. about it and have had an ultrasound that says i have a couple cysts on my ovary and it looks like something burst recently on the side where i am having my pain.  I am supposed to go for a CT Scan, but i am scared too, because of the complications it can cause to me being a mom one day.  So i am still in a lot of pain, but just don't know what to do about it.  I have a feeling it's scar tissue again, which comes back every time you have surgery.  I am trying to avoid having any more surgeries.  What should i do?

I also got the OK to go to a fertility clinic.  So i will be making an appt soon and hoping they have positive and good news for me.

That's pretty much where i am now, we desperately want to have a baby...if you knew me and my husband you would see how much love we could give to a child.  We both have this void, it's LOVE that is for nobody else but our baby. 

If anybody has struggled with this and have any inspiring stories to share or ideas that may help, or just words of encouragement,  i am very open to anything....thank you for letting me share my story.

 

Niki 

xoxo

Stuffed Eggplant & Pepper

The other day i walked over to my Nanny and PopPop's house to visit them and while i was there, my Nanny was cooking some stuffed eggplant, and i am not gonna lie it smelled and looked really good. She had an extra, large eggplant and told me i should make it this week. This is a staple in my nanny's house, i learned how to make it from her and now i am passing it down to you....Your Welcome ;)

Stuffed Eggplant & Pepper

• 1 Large Eggplant
• Red Pepper
• Tomato sauce
• 1 pound of Ground Meat
• Fresh Mozzorella
• Parsley
• Breadcrumbs
• 1 egg
• Basil

Cut the tip off the eggplant and then cut the eggplant down the middle, so you have two eggplant boats.  Then very carefully scoop out the meat or pulp of the eggplant using a small knife and a spoon.  This part takes a little practice.Take the pepper and cut the top off and scoop out the seeds and clean it really good. Once all of the eggplant pulp is scooped out, cut into chunks and saute it with a little bit of olive oil in a pan for about 5 minutes, or just until it gets soft.  Then in another bowl, put your ground meat, egg, breadcrumbs, grated cheese parley, salt and pepper. Then cut up small chunks fresh mozzarella, and add that to the meat, then add the eggplant pulp and mix well. Put the eggplant and peppers in a baking pan, make sure the baking pan is coated with a little olive oil.  Grab the meat with your hand and stuff the eggplant and peppers. Then take your tomato sauce and pour over the eggplant and peppers, make sure there is enough sauce on the bottom of the pan just to cover.  Garnish with fresh basil and parsley.  Bake uncovered for an hour. When you take it out of the oven let it cool for 15 minutes.

What are some of the staples at your Grandparents house?

Cooking for my Hubby and Sister-In-Love

So tonight i decided to be a good wife and sister and make shrimp with whole wheat linguine and broccoli. On Wednesdays my sister-in-law sister-in-love, Heather, comes over and does her homework while i work and cook dinner.  And because her and my husband love shrimp i decided i would treat them.  By the way did i tell you that i don't eat Shrimp, actually this might blow your mind, but i don't eat any seafood,  I have to tell you for someone that doesn't eat seafood, i kick ass at making this.  And i know this sounds weird but i actually eat this dish, i just avoid the shrimp.  If you put enough garlic on something it doesn't taste so bad.

Whole Wheat Linguine with Shrimp and Broccoli

• Whole Wheat Linguine
•  Shrimp
•  Broccoli
•  2 bouillon cubes
•  Lemon
•  Parsley
•  Garlic
•  Red pepper flakes
•  Olive Oil
•  Salt and pepper

So start by bringing a big pot of water to boil for your pasta.  Then clean and remove the tails of your shrimp then dry your shrimp. Bring another deep saute pan on medium heat and add your shrimp with a good amount of olive oil.  Cook your shrimp until it turns pink (don't overcook your shrimp) at least that's what the people who eat shrimp tell me. At this point your water should be ready for your pasta and your broccoli. Salt your water before adding your pasta, very important!  Then add your 8 cloves of garlic to the pan. Take a big cup of the hot boiling water from the pasta and add 2 bouillon cubes to it and let it dissolve.  When your garlic is brown and your shrimp is pink add the cup of bouillon to the pan with a pinch of red pepper flakes.  The drain your pasta but reserve some of the pasta water and add the pasta and broccoli to the shrimp and garlic. Combine all of the pasta with the shrimp and garlic, if it's too thick and some pasta water.  If it's not thick enough add a teaspoon of butter.  Chop some parsley and garnish on top with some lemon.

By the way my sister-in-love Heather said that this was her second favorite dish that i ever made her :)

I don't know if any of you know about this new website called Pinterest. It is definitely one of my favorite things, and when you check it out you will see why.  Think of Pinterest as a virtual pinboard — a place where you can create collections of things you love and "follow" collections created by people with great taste.


Ciao

Love these girls...The Cooking Cousins

There is a cooking channel i like to watch on You Tube, it's called The Cooking Cousins. Their names are Kristie an Sydney and they live in Toronto,Canada. The make a lot of yummy food, so i thought i would try out one of their recipes. So because we were snowed in a couple weeks ago and couldn't go anywhere for 3 days i cooked a lot, alright, i cooked way too much for those 3 days. One i the things i tried was the Prosciutto, Mozzarella, and Spinach pinwheel. Well my fellow foodies, me and my husband loved it so much we finished the whole thing is 5 minutes and wanted more. The best thing about it is, it's so darn easy to make, and it tastes amazing!

This is what it looked like just before i put it in the oven.

Here is a picture of it all done.

Here is the link to the You Tube channel and the pinwheel recipe

Pinwheel Recipe

If you know of any other fun cooking You Tube channels, let me know, i love getting ideas for different things to make.

Farewell 2010.... Welcome 2011

As i say farewell to 2010....i remember what an amazing year it was!

Looking forward to what 2011 has to bring....Happy New Years!!

Pizza Frita (FRIED PIZZA) w/ my Nanny

When i was a little girl and used to visit my Nanny and PopPop's house she would always make pizza frita (fried pizza) for us for dessert, and she use to show us how to make them too.  It was always fun to make and really yummy to eat.  It's one of my sister's favorite things we used to do growing up so since she was coming down with her kids, she asked my Nanny if we can make them and teach her kids how to make them too.  If you've never heard of pizza frita, all it is pizza dough, fried in oil, and then when it comes out of the oil it gets coated with cinnamon sugar.  Here's to my Nanny and one her greatest creations and one of our favorite memories!

my niece Gianna

Gia, Zac and Dave

pizza frita

Dave and Zac

Me, Gia and Dave

Me, my sister and my Nanny

Steph, and Gia

Gia

What are some things that you remember doing with your grandparents when you we're little?

Just fooling around in Picnik

I LOVE THIS MAN!

Whole Wheat Pita Pizza's

Whole Wheat Pita Pizza's

Ingredients

• whole wheat pita's
• homemade tomato sauce
• basil
• oregano
• garlic
• parsley
• mozzarella cheese (shredded)
• grated pecorino cheese
• oil

Preheat the oven 400 degrees.  Then lay out your pitas on a greased baking sheet.  With a paper towel or our hands, dab a little oil on your pitas.  Then add your sauce, leave room around the edges.  Then add your cheeses, some fresh basil, garlic, oregano and parsley.  Put in the oven until cheese is melted and a little brown, approximately 10-12 minutes.

I love making these, they're delicious and easy to make, super easy and you can add whatever you want, pepperoni, fresh garlic, mushrooms, peppers, it's a nice simple meal idea.

What are some of your favorite toppings on pizza?

Weekend at the beach

Saturday we spent the day at Sandy Hook beach in Sea Bright, NJ.  Me and my husband got down to the shore nice and early and missed all the beach traffic. We met my sister, husband, niece and nephew at their motel and then walked over to a private beach.  I am not gonna lie, it was probably the most relaxing, most fantastic days i have had all summer.  Then after a nice long day in the sun, we drove down to Highlands, NJ and went to eat at a beachfront restaurant, and followed it up by dessert at another beach front place in Atlantic Highlands. 

 What kind of things do you do at the end of summer?