Update on trying to conceive a baby!

So, something has been on my mind a lot, and my sister told me i should talk about it on my blog.
Me and my husband have been trying to start our own family for over 2 years now.  No luck yet, but we are persistent and we will keep on trying until we have a baby.  I guess i am hoping by talking about it on here, i will have support, maybe some advice, and i am hoping it will give me a chance to vent about how difficult this journey is for us.

I know i am not the only one going through this, and maybe that is why i feel like sharing my story would help.

So after going to doctor after doctor, i found my OB that i want when i do get pregnant. But a couple OB's before that have said that they feel it is going to be really difficult for me to get pregnant. I knew that a long time ago.

When i was 5 i had a tumor on my ovary and had it removed along with my right ovary. But the doctor told my mom and dad that i was able to still have kids when i get older, it would just be a little harder.  Well, considering that i have never been pregnant yet, yeah, a lot harder. 
I have also had multiple surgeries in the last 10 years. I had appendectomy, and then i had scar tissue removed and then my bowel was up where my ovary should of been and they fixed that. So one of my doctors have said that because of all of my surgeries and CT Scans, and possible scar tissue, it would be impossible for me to have babies. I don't like hearing that, but we still tried and believed in my heart that they were wrong. 

So my new OB is convinced that with a lot of trying (if you know what i mean) that i will have no problem getting pregnant. She also said something that kind of pissed me off, she said, "i think you need to go on vacation, then you will get pregnant" it would be awesome if she could write that on a prescription pad and i could take it to any destination i wanted too and go on vacation for free, because my doctor told me too,  but vacations are expensive and it's not that easy. So yeah, that comment pissed me off, and almost made me reconsider my choice for a OB-GYN.

This past December, i was convinced that i was pregnant.  So much so, that on Christmas Eve i told a lot of family that i felt like this was the month, and expect me to be calling all of you up soon with the good news.  I could not keep my moth shut, and our family is VERY excited about us having a baby.  I can't explain why i felt the way i felt, i felt like i had symptoms, felt things in my body, and just KNEW. Well, turned out i was wrong...on December 27th i ended up in the ER because i was having lots of bleeding, and a lot of pain. The doctor said it was a cyst that burst. Oh, and she also informed me i was not PREGNANT.  Sad day...really really sad, considering i had convinced myself that i was pregnant, i guess those things i felt and symptoms were my cyst.  I told my OB after what had happened and she said another thing that pissed me off, she said, "you won't be able to tell your pregnant that soon" she kind of made me feel stupid. Considering, my sister and books i have read, said that some women know when they get pregnant, even before a pregnancy test, i thought i was one of those people.

More recently, i have been having acute pain in my lower abdomen and have been to the Dr. about it and have had an ultrasound that says i have a couple cysts on my ovary and it looks like something burst recently on the side where i am having my pain.  I am supposed to go for a CT Scan, but i am scared too, because of the complications it can cause to me being a mom one day.  So i am still in a lot of pain, but just don't know what to do about it.  I have a feeling it's scar tissue again, which comes back every time you have surgery.  I am trying to avoid having any more surgeries.  What should i do?

I also got the OK to go to a fertility clinic.  So i will be making an appt soon and hoping they have positive and good news for me.

That's pretty much where i am now, we desperately want to have a baby...if you knew me and my husband you would see how much love we could give to a child.  We both have this void, it's LOVE that is for nobody else but our baby. 

If anybody has struggled with this and have any inspiring stories to share or ideas that may help, or just words of encouragement,  i am very open to anything....thank you for letting me share my story.

 

Niki 

xoxo